To Exist Is Enough: A Birthday Reflection

It’s finally my birthday. I used to always be so excited about it when I was younger. It was a holiday of its own, celebrated with friends and family. I loved having big parties and getting presents.

Then something in my life shifted.

I stopped enjoying birthday parties, and I realized many of the attendees didn’t really like me for me. They liked my parties, the privilege of traveling with me on my mother’s dime. With little gratitude and certainly lots of judgment. That’s how it felt when we all grew up. Suddenly, I was being invited to dinner and being expected to pay. On my birthday, I was excluded from conversations, and I became an outsider in my own little world. It got to be very lonely, and part of me hated it. Another part of me appreciated it.

Because it showed me who my real friends were.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all the people in my life that acted this way, friends will make mistakes during this journey called life. I certainly have; this particular dilemma was specific to what most people call “fake friends.” My true friends generally appreciated me and were quick to apologize when they hurt me. And I was quick to apologize for doing the same. Overall, true friendship is the one thing I value above anything else in the world.

I have this belief that somewhere in our lives, we will experience a great loss, we will hit “rock bottom,” and that experience will transform us into becoming ultimately a better version of ourselves. During this “rock bottom,” your true friends will show themselves to you and stick beside you, you’ll know if their friendship has been performance or genuine.

Why talk about such a deep topic on a big, fun day like my birthday? I mean, did I not just talk about the loneliness of feeling like an outsider on such a tremendous day?

Because I learned to love this feeling, this loneliness, this independence.

It’s part of life, we long for community, but is it worth sacrificing our well-being? Your people will find you, but it certainly won’t be easy to find the right friends; it takes having discernment. A skill I was not gifted with, it was something I had to learn, and I continue to learn as life goes on.

For those of you who are looking for advice on finding the right friends or finding people who connect with your values and mindset, I suggest looking within. Figuring out what truly matters to you as a person, what your values are. What spaces do you find yourself in that you truly enjoy?

This part of the journey requires loneliness; before a flower blooms in a garden, it was once a lonely seed in the dirt.

Don’t be afraid of losing old friends that you’ve outgrown; it’s not that there’s anything wrong with them or that they are not good friends. It’s changes in life and different paths that might separate you, but you can still love them from a distance and celebrate their victories.

Growth is uncomfortable, but it’s transforming.

Now I am finally enjoying my birthday for what it is, the day I came to exist in this universe. I celebrate it with my closest friends and family, and when they are not available, I celebrate it by myself and with my creator. It’s a type of solitude and gratitude that fills me with peace, because even alone, I am surrounded by love.

xoxo,

Sarita